An insider in the Trump administration who fought against the president under the guise of "Anonymous" has said that he had thoughts of ending his own life on election night 2020 when it appeared that the incumbent president was going to lose.

Former Homeland Security Chief of Staff Miles Taylor, who blew the whistle on his former employer by writing a piece for the New York Times and later a book with the byline "Anonymous," stated that he came dangerously close to pulling a gun from under his pillow and shooting himself that night, as The Washington Examiner reported.

In an interview to promote his most recent book, Blowback: A Warning to Save Democracy from the Next Trump, he said that the indicators that President Donald Trump was going to win were a failure of his efforts to torpedo the reelection of the 45th president.

Taylor's Comments

Taylor, who has come under fire for his comments, has stated that by the day of the election, his life was in shambles, including the dissolution of his marriage, the depletion of his bank account, and his being compelled to live in safe homes.

He stated this in an interview he gave to the Columbia Journalism Review, saying,  “I reached rock bottom close to Election Day. I was in a marriage that fell apart. I had to leave my home. I got fired from my job [at Google]. I had to spend most of my personal savings on lawyers and other security measures.

And at the same time, my family was being assaulted. On the evening before the election in 2020, I discovered that I was holed up all by myself in a secure residence, with a bodyguard standing watch outside and a gun tucked beneath my pillow.

While I was intoxicated and watching the news, it appeared that Donald Trump was gaining ground in the race. "Wow," I thought to myself. "I’ve literally given up everything, except my life, to stop this guy from being president again, and it looks like he might be president again. So maybe I take my life, too.’”

Going Forward

Taylor's fortunes improved as a direct result of Trump's late loss to Joe Biden, which came as a surprise to many people who were following the polls on election night.

I have Hannah, who is now my wife, to thank for saving my life, and I am glad to say that I have been sober for about 18 months now. However, recovering from that setback was really challenging," he explained.

The interviewer asked him questions about his experiences as a "whistleblower" and how he believed he was treated when he finally identified himself as "Anonymous."

“It’s a very lonely place, and I still don’t know how I feel about the term whistleblower or whether I am one,” he said.

“In almost all the cases, these are people who, one, believed they witnessed wrongdoing, and two, knew that exposing it would destroy their lives. They did it anyway. And every single one of them said that they didn’t regret it despite losing almost everything,” Taylor said.